{"text":[[{"start":5.8,"text":"Easy; just spend the summer in one of those non-footballing nations that aren’t taking part. You know, like Italy or Ireland. Scotland should also be safe after the first week or two, although the peace will still be shattered by Scots cheering for whoever England is playing. "}],[{"start":20.75,"text":"Also, you should really enjoy the coming week first. You have been blessed with a full 12 days between the Champions League final and the start of the World Cup so try to enjoy that. Stay away from the TV though if you don’t want to be sideswiped by documentaries on the Lions of ’66, the Caracals of ’18 or the Mangy House Cats of ’14. And World Cup songs will be hard to escape. There’s no official song apparently, but we must be due another re-release of “Three Lions”, now with an additional 30 years of hurt."}],[{"start":52.85,"text":"By the end of next week, your soccer-less summer will already be over. And, oh boy, is it over. This is the longest World Cup ever, expanded to allow even higher revenue for Fifa and to spread its reach into those soccer minnows that rarely qualify like, well, Scotland. "}],[{"start":71.9,"text":"There will be 104 games this tournament. It now runs for 39 days, 10 days longer than the previous tournament and will be contested by 48 rather than 32 teams. Then there will be only about four weeks between its conclusion and the start of the new domestic soccer season. A welcome break for soccer-phobes, although the rest of us are going to have to talk to our families for a month."}],[{"start":94.15,"text":"The reality is that there is no escape. The coverage is as comprehensive as a major royal event. There’s no good complaining or being snotty about it. You just have to try to zone out and seize the opportunities it offers: emptier theatres, late tables at fancy restaurants. An England match is the perfect time to visit the shops, though the Panama game doesn’t start till 10pm so it will have to be the Tesco Express."}],[{"start":117.60000000000001,"text":"And this is a problem for fans and haters alike (the kick-off times, not the Tesco Express part). Because this World Cup is taking place in the US, Canada and Mexico — though, sadly, not Greenland, which failed to secure statehood in time — some of the matches will be in the middle of the night. Thankfully, Germany vs Curaçao is at a reasonable hour, but the poor old Scots fans will have to be up at 2am to see if they can dispose of Haiti. (By the way, if any Scots are heading State-side for the tournament, I hear there’s a camper van for sale somewhere.) "}],[{"start":148.95000000000002,"text":"This is a blow for those of us who actually like the World Cup. A European tournament means early-afternoon games, teatime games, a quick drink at the pub for the early-evening kick-off and then just enough time to dash home for the late match. You can fritter away whole days during the early stages. "}],[{"start":166.00000000000003,"text":"These time-zone issues and the plethora of largely pointless matches — Qatar vs Bosnia and Herzegovina anyone? — may spare the non-combatant some of the frenzy of previous World Cups during the early rounds. But once our boys get through to the knockout stages . . . I tell you, this is our year."}],[{"start":186.35000000000002,"text":"Anyway, it’s not going to be easily avoided unless perhaps you book yourself on one of those Gaza flotilla boats. Though you then run the double risk of being roughed up by the Israeli security minister and having to spend several days enjoying the philosophical musings of Greta Thunberg. "}],[{"start":202.55,"text":"For those who don’t want to be left out entirely, it is worth learning a few phrases to throw into conversation. “I still can’t believe he’s not brought Cole Palmer”, “Yeah, but will Reece’s hamstring hold up?”, “What is the bloody point of VAR?” and if/when England start losing, “Tuchel’s only job was to win. If we wanted to play badly and lose, there were plenty of English managers.” "}],[{"start":226.10000000000002,"text":"It’s not only conscientious objectors who will suffer. It is a difficult time for far-right activists since people will be putting up England flags without wishing to deport immigrants. Terribly confusing. "}],[{"start":238.3,"text":"On the upside, the tournament does offer scope for some snark. For starters, you can remark that you don’t know what the fuss is about, observing that since the Lionesses have already won the past two European championships, football has already come home. They’ve even got a train line named after them. I’m not sure how we’d honour a winning men’s team. Perhaps that explains the HS2 delays: we’ve been waiting for the boys to win. "}],[{"start":262.85,"text":"Find out about our latest stories first — follow FT Weekend Magazine on X and FT Weekend on Instagram"}],[{"start":276.05000000000007,"text":""}]],"url":"https://audio.ftcn.net.cn/album/a_1780706217_6192.mp3"}